So, me and my crew be out walkin’, aight homey? Nice day and all. So we be out pimpin’ the streets, walkin’ around, doin’ our thang. You know how it is, right brutha? We be out, enjoyin’ the sun, hangin’ with the bruthas. Chillin’. But it be gettin’ to dinner time, and we left us some porridge out to cool, ‘cause we old school like that. Picked up some suga’ to go with that too, mmhmm.

So, me, my man Poppa Smallz, and my new Suga Momma head back to my crib, bein’ hungry and all. But we be gettin’ there and the door’s all unlocked. Now, when a brutha bear be doin’ what I do for a livin’, you don’t just walk in the door in this situation. So we be listenin’, but nothin’. Smallz pushed the door open. Feel like he a big man, ‘cause he’s the one with the connections, if you know what I mean. That be why we call him Poppa. ‘Cause if we was a family, he’d be the head, he think. He got a complex that one. But when a brutha’s not sure what’s on the other side of the door, it’s okay if someone else wants to step in first. Also, bein’ a bit petite as I be, Pops is a good man to be behind.

Don’t seem to matter much though, ‘cause the room be empty. Different though. The porridge be gone. Them bowls are empty, Smallz is tellin’ me, like I blind. No crap, I say. Them bowls been licked clean. I look, and there are gold hairs by the table. Some blonde bitch been all up in my crib! Worse, that lookin’ like human hair. Never any good when some humans be gettin’ all up in your crib.

It ain’t lookin’ like anything ‘sides the porridge be missin’, so we go check out the rest of the crib. We be ballin’ and can’t afford no business with gettin’ robbed. We move onto the next room over, and the chairs are all moved around. One of them knocked over. Broken. Some blonde bitch broke my chair!  Suga Momma’s lookin’ at me funny, ‘cause I be growlin’, mad. That be my favorite chair in pieces over there. But the room be otherwise empty, we move on. Now Suga Momma look nervous, though she tryin’ not to. Not every suga get to come in on my crib.

My crib be pimpin’ fo’ sure, but it ain’t huge. We almost be at the last room now, my bedroom. So far none of the other rooms be lookin’ messed up. The bedroom door be open, but the light still off. Smallz still in front of us, but I kind of push him to the side. Don’t be wantin’ no other guy up in my bedroom. Only room for me and my Suga Momma’s up in there, ya know? A brutha bear gotta be keepin’ up his standards. The beds be slept in. Got some extra beds for my sugas, if you know what I mean. The first two, rumpled. But they empty. The last one ain’t. There be a human all holed up in my bed!

Suga Momma lookin’ at me funny again. She think I be rollin’ like that! I be damned if I want some human bitch all up in my crib. The human be movin’ now though. Wakin’ up, I think. We still be in the door way when she sit up, all rubbin’ her eyes, lookin’ stupid like humans do. She yawn, and look around, she see us. Next thing I know, we ain’t be in the doorway no more. That human be out my door faster than a bat out of hell, barrelin’ her way past Smallz and me. Don’t think she’ll be comin’ back any time soon.